“I Thought I Was Done With This”: Midlife, Perimenopause, and the Return of Food and Body Noise

Before we get into this, if you’d rather listen than read, you can watch a clip of my talk from the other night, here: https://tinyurl.com/stillmetherapy

I had the opportunity to speak on a panel with the Konenki Group recently; my part was about how many of us start to think and feel about our bodies and our selves as we reach perimenopause and menopause.

There’s often this assumption that by the time we reach midlife, we are “supposed to” (what does that even mean?)  have figured out, or at least come to terms with, our relationship with food and our bodies.

But for many of us, we’ve been living with this for years. Often since puberty, when our bodies started to change for the first time, and food, weight, and worth all started to get tied together. And over time, other experiences—comments, expectations, reactions—add layers to that.

But we’ve also been busy.

Working. Raising families. Doing life.

And the things we’ve done historically to manage weight or quiet food noise may not be working in the same way anymore. Adding a workout. Counting calories. Our body is still changing in ways that we can’t control.

And then all of those old, familiar thoughts can come rushing back—What is wrong with me?

That can feel confusing. Like...I thought I was done with this.

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During perimenopause and midlife, there are physical changes happening. Hormones are shifting. Sleep is getting disrupted. At the same time, emotional and life stressors are still happening, maybe even at a faster rate.

Untangling those physical and emotional stressors is key to being able to understand your reactions. And when you can start to do that, it can support you in accepting where you are, while also quieting some of the food and body noise you may be living with—even if it’s been there, just under the surface, for much of your life.

Hormonal changes affect sleep. So does stress.

If you have children, you may be part of the Sandwich Generation. If you don’t, you may still be navigating the grief and loss that can come with aging parents. And in general, people start looking at their own futures differently than they did at 30.

So it’s not one thing.

It’s layers.

Perimenopause is both a stage of life and a set of physical changes—and those are happening together, not separately.

And when those layers build, they can reactivate old thoughts, behaviors, and responses. Which increases stress. Which then intensifies everything else.

When we start to work with that—rather than against it—we can begin to reduce some of those stressors and increase resiliency.

Many of my clients find that as they start to identify what they actually need, they can begin to practice how and where to make space. And that creates an opportunity to meet those needs—without automatically labeling them as selfish.

That piece is often huge.

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I also want to touch on control, coping, and shame.

One example I hear often is a memory of being told as children, that they shouldn’t eat too many grapes.

Not candy. Not ice cream. Grapes.

(‘Should’ is a word we can talk about another time)

So why grapes? Because somewhere along the line, grapes became representative of something more. Fruit is good—but not that fruit. And if you eat them, or eat too many, then you’ve done something wrong.

And over time, that kind of message linked food, appearance, and control.

So if you think about where you are now, and the belief that you should be able to control your changing body, you may also be able to look back and see that this is not new. It’s a pattern that started before you were old enough to understand it.

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How we think about food impacts how we think about ourselves.

Disordered eating is not the same as an eating disorder.

Disordered eating is when we think about food in ways that feel rigid, stressful, or consuming. Think about those grapes.

It’s extremely common. And it deserves to be addressed.

Food noise is not something you have to live with.

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Mindfulness is often talked about in big ways, but at its core, it’s the practice of noticing.

Get started with five or ten seconds: I’ll often have clients begin with something they already do every day—drinking coffee, brushing their teeth—and just notice everything about it. The smell. The taste. The sound. The physical sensation. Letting everything else fall away for those few moments.

Over time, that expands.

And eventually, when they feel stuck in a behavior or a loop of thoughts, they can notice what’s happening and make a more active decision about whether to continue or shift.

It’s about becoming more intentionally connected to how you respond—to your body, to your thoughts, to yourself—so that you can actively identify what is happening, and make choices in a moment.

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My goal at Still Me Therapy is to help you make space for what matters now.

Not who you were. Not who you think you should be. But who you are, in this moment, as things are changing.

None of these layers were created alone, and none exist in isolation.

And you don’t have to sort through it alone.